{"id":10701,"date":"2018-07-23T16:59:47","date_gmt":"2018-07-23T22:59:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.virtuance.com\/?p=10701"},"modified":"2018-07-23T17:01:18","modified_gmt":"2018-07-23T23:01:18","slug":"7-awful-first-sentences-killing-outreach-emails","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/staging.virtuance.com\/member\/blog\/7-awful-first-sentences-killing-outreach-emails\/","title":{"rendered":"7 Awful first sentences that are killing your outreach emails"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Aja Frost | Source HubSpot<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

Whether you\u2019re at a networking event, a party, a conference, or an office function, walking up to a stranger and introducing yourself can be terrifying.<\/h2>\n

\"outreach_email_virtuance\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know about you, but I never stroll over without a detailed plan of what I\u2019ll say and how I\u2019ll say it.\u00a0After all, people form a first impression of you in a tenth of second — so as crazy as it sounds, a lame opening line could sabotage the entire relationship.<\/p>\n

But even though I\u2019ve always been strategic about my in-person opening lines, I only recently began applying the same level of thought to my online messages — a common\u00a0sales email mistake<\/a>. After taking a cold, hard look at the first lines I was using, I identified a few that were totally flopping. I tossed them from my repertoire \u2026 and\u00a0my response rate more than doubled<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Want similar results with your prospects? Check out the first sentences you should never use\u00a0unless you want\u00a0buyers to delete your emails<\/a>.<\/p>\n

1. \u201cMy name is \u2026 \u201d<\/h3>\n

Names are one of the hardest things to remember — because, let\u2019s be honest, people aren\u2019t that interested in them. That means starting emails with,\u00a0\u201cMy name is Aja Frost, and I\u2019m an account executive for Zone,\u201d<\/em>\u00a0will send my recipients straight to snoozeville.<\/p>\n

Plus, it\u2019s easy for prospects to figure out your name if they want to. All they have to do is look at the “From” field\u00a0or\u00a0email signature<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Luckily, fixing this mistake is easy: Just cut this sentence from your message so it now begins with the second sentence. Your recipient will appreciate how quickly you get to the point.<\/p>\n

2. \u201cI work for \u2026 \u201d<\/h3>\n

Launching into your message with\u00a0\u201cI work for so-and-so\u201d<\/em>\u00a0is even worse than starting with your name. Not only is it boring and unoriginal, but it\u2019s like planting a huge sign in the prospect\u2019s brain that says, \u201cI\u2019m trying to sell you something!!!\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n

Telling the prospect which organization you represent can be useful; for instance, if the company is well-known, or if you\u2019ve met the buyer before and this detail will help jog their memory. However, you\u2019ll want to weave your company\u2019s name in naturally.<\/p>\n

To give you an idea of what \u201cnaturally\u201d looks like, you might write:<\/p>\n

“Hi\u00a0R<\/strong><\/span>andle,<\/strong><\/span><\/div>\n
\n

Dale Harding recommended we get in touch. I work with Dale on HubSpot\u2019s sales\u00a0products<\/span>\u00a0team.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

That\u2019s actually why I wanted to reach out — he mentioned you were adding some reps to your team, and I thought our CRM might be a great fit for you. It\u2019s 100% free and really easy to use.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

How do you normally handle onboarding a large group of reps at one time? I might be able to share some pointers.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Best,<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Billy”<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

This HubSpot mention feels natural because the recipient knows an employee who works there — so if your prospect has a connection to a coworker, feel free to drop your company\u2019s name.<\/p>\n

You can also swap out \u201cwe\u201d for \u201cthe [company] team;”\u00a0<\/span>for instance,\u00a0\u201cIn the past year, the HubSpot team has partnered with \u2026 \u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Oh, and if you\u2019re sending along content from your company? Just insert the name into the description like so:\u00a0\u201cI\u2019m linking to a HubSpot blog post on CRMs you may find helpful \u2026 “<\/em><\/p>\n

3. \u201cDid you know \u2026 ?\u201d<\/h3>\n

Some reps attempt to create urgency by starting their emails with a rhetorical question, such as,\u00a0\u201cDid you know most U.S. workers have an average of 199 unread emails in their inbox?\u201d<\/em>\u00a0(Yup,\u00a0that\u2019s a true stat<\/a>.)<\/p>\n

I have bad news for anyone who believes prospects will read this line and think, ‘No, I did not know that. Wow, I better drop everything and work with this salesperson!’<\/i><\/p>\n

The typical reaction is usually closer to: ‘Ugh, if I wanted cheesy selling, I\u2019d go watch an infomercial. Delete.’<\/i><\/p>\n

You can definitely use intriguing stats to instill a sense of urgency, but dropping them in out of the blue won\u2019t get you a response. If you\u2019re going to start with a stat, make sure that you personalize it to the prospect\u2019s unique situation and weave it into your email naturally, like so:<\/p>\n